Deuteronomy 29 - God is Good, Surgery is Bad...What Happened?

In life there’s good and there’s bad. We like the good and we don’t like the bad. But as the bad inevitably strikes our lives, you have to wonder…where is God in the bad and why does the bad even have to happen at all?

First of all, I can’t express how thankful to God I am for your prayers. I can’t imagine how different my recent health challenges could have been without the countless prayers and petitions you laid at the feet of Christ on my behalf. I am fortunate to have such loving and caring brothers and sisters in Christ.

Most of you may know, but instead of getting this surgery and recovery all knocked out in one trip to the hospital, I decided to split it up and enjoy two separate visits. A few days after the surgery I had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing what I’m told is an “ileus” which is an intestinal blockage due to the GI tract not waking properly from surgery. I was later told that the intensity of the pains I was having as I was rolled into the ER at 3am on Saturday morning, were nearing those of childbirth. I even learned later that many times an Ileus is controlled in the same manner as childbirth, spinal epidural. For me, I got morphine. Five days later, I’m back at home, feeling like a normal human and singing new found praises to God for it.

If you were to ask me a week ago about the closeness of my walk with Christ, I would have had positive things to say. I pray, I study, I fellowship, I serve, and I passionately follow Christ my Lord. If you were to ask me if I could possibly draw closer to Christ, I would have scratched my head...maybe, but how? I mean after all, in any relationship, how do they grow, advance and mature? Relationships grow through experiences shared. And folks, if you only share pleasant, easy, fun times, that will be depth of the strength of the relationship. But if that relationship weathers mighty storms, it will indeed endure and become much stronger as the result. After last week’s traumatic events, I found myself crying out to God in new and desperate ways. As I was rolled out of the hospital yesterday and felt the sun on my face for the first time in a week, I could only smile as I emerged with a completely different perspective of God and the good and bad of life.

I debated with how to ease back into my writing and the 5MC and I decided to just take the Nes-tea plunge and jump right back in. If God would grant me the mental faculties and the physical ability to sit and type, I’ll write. So, this morning I opened my Bible to Deuteronomy chapter 29 and started to read. It didn’t take long for God to speak, only three short verses.

“But to this day the Lord has not given you a heart to understand or eyes to see or ears to hear.” Deut 29:4

I believe that one of the most basic underlying desires of humans is to understand. We just need to know. We need our questions answered. In fact, while in the hospital I had this question come up numerous times with my caregivers regarding the Corona virus. Why is God doing (or allowing) this? But this innate human "need to know" is nothing new. In fact, the original sin in the garden of Eden was just that, Eve wanted to “know.”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” Genesis 3:4-6

“And you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” The entire human race was condemned into sin because the man and woman had a deep desire to know what God knows. As our lives motor along through good and bad, pleasant and unpleasant, pain and rejoicing and even life and death, we want to know why. We want to understand. And folks, here is where the true pain comes. As we struggle to understand everything within our lives and are faced with the simple fact that we can’t, our relationship with our creator is stressed. As we feel that God is not giving us the answers we deserve, as He is somehow denying us the fruit of the tree that we want, we recoil from God. We can find ourselves easily resorting to our own devices to search for the answers we feel we deserve. And if we’re searching for the answers on our own, that means we’re not relying upon God.

Because of the Covid 19, hospitals no longer allow any visitors. Margie dropped me off at the ER, gave me a kiss and then pulled away. This journey would be a solo one for me. Me, nurses, doctors, and God. Folks, I had some conversations with God in that hospital room that I never thought I would have. And many of them I am not proud of at all. And most of them were based around why. Why me? Why now? Why alone? Why so much pain? And God answers me days later with Deut 29:4

“But to this day the Lord has not given you a heart to understand or eyes to see or ears to hear.”

The answer is I don’t know. God does but I don’t. He has not given me a heart of understanding, only a heart of faith. I know this experience will somehow glorify God, but I don’t know how. I know that this experience will somehow serve a purpose in the kingdom of God, but I don’t know how. I know that God can and will use any and all circumstances to produce good but I don’t know how. I don’t know why I needed to endure this trial, but God does. He might reveal it to me one day and He might not. In the meantime, He asks me to trust Him, walk by faith not by sight and just know one thing…He knows the reasoning and that all that matters.

Folks, today if you are in the midst of a trial, I have never been able to better relate with you. Whatever it may be, I’m sure you’re asking God why daily. Just be fully comforted in knowing that if the answer doesn’t come, it doesn’t mean that God is not there. He is. In fact, He’s closer than ever. As you walk through trials with God, you’ll eventually emerge with a different relationship. One that has been tested, one that is stronger. One that has been stressed and can now endure more. One that has been through God’s refining fire of purification, emerging from the fire with the purity and strength of God.

As you’re enduring your trials today, I encourage you to be honest with God. Tell Him how you feel. Angry and frustrated? Distant and abandoned? God wants to know your heart. He wants you to tell Him. And in this brokenness, in this desperate honesty, He will answer you with all that you need to know. And the completeness of His answer is one that will comfort us until we eventually see His glorious face in Heaven.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Isaiah 41:10, Deut 31:8

Praise be to God; He is with us indeed.