(From July 6, 2019 in Hong Kong SAR, China)
Good morning from day 6 in Hong Kong. The first camp wraps up today and the day after tomorrow we fly into Shanghai to start the longer of the two camps. I rose early this morning eagerly looking forward to my time in God’s Word. Utterly desperate for the solace that lies within those pages. I opened up to my starting place for the day, chapter 32 of Genesis and I see Jacob wrestle with God. Oh, what an appropriate passage for me this morning. I think we want to see wrestling with God as a one-time event, but my friends, I find myself wrestling with the ways of God over and over.
The trip to China has been tough. At times, I’ve even asked myself, “why?” God can use me mightily in Fort Worth, right? God can use you mightily wherever you are, that is a given and a promise from the Father. So why go? Why here? I think I am solely here to help others, some kind of gift I can wield from God. But not so, even far from it. On this trip He is yet once again revealing His power to me and that He is the one doing the changing. And it falls all around me. It falls upon me.
I feel the change. And the change comes through the struggle. It comes through the wrestling. As Jacob was called by God to return to his home, He was leaving one obstacle in Laban and was heading towards another in Esau. He was fearful of both of these men and in our passage he was living through one lonely, solitary night, stuck between them. Between a rock and a hard place. Not able to go back and fearful of moving forward. Jacob is in a place that many of us live our lives. That night as he is alone in the wilderness, pondering his future and lamenting his past, a visitor arrives, and the wrestling ensues. I don’t think Jacob was the aggressor here at all. In this moment He was broken, empty, alone, scared and afraid. God’s timing is prefect to find us at these precise moments. Jacob was indeed a poor opponent for the Lord that night. Jacob does His best but alas the Lord touches His hip and physically cripples Him. The spiritual and emotional crippling had already happened and now the physical follows. But in the most beautiful part of the story, Jacob clings. He is defeated, he has lost, he is in pain. He feels it physically, emotionally and spiritually. But he will not let go. He holds fast to the Lord. A desperate grasp that I can so relate to. You see, when wrestling with God, the victory comes not from the win but from the yielding.
My friends, there is no lesson I needed more today than that. Do not let go. I am tired, I miss my Margie dearly, I miss home, I miss the normal rhythm of my life, but I will not let go. God has a reason and a purpose for me in this trip and I will cling to my Lord. The struggle is hard but through the struggle comes the real victory. You see, we cannot ever be victorious over the Lord, but we continue to struggle with Him. And through that struggle we experience, exhaustion, pain, anger, turmoil, fear and angst. But when the struggle has endured long enough there will be learning. It is a process that we so desperately need to live. Through the process of wrestling we learn to simply yield and cling. To give up the thought that we have any control over these lives that are tossed by the waves of life. That these lives are simply to be given up to the master sailor that not only controls the ship but the very seas that they’re cast upon. We cling. I cling to the Lord today desperately. I have nothing to offer, I am not worthy. But I cling to the Lord. For He is my Salvation, He is my hope and He is my strength. Without Him I am nothing, and without Him there is nothing. The storm will rage, this life will ravage, but I dare not let go.
As China looms ahead, I am fearful. I am anxious, even though the Lord tells me not to be. I know that the Lord is my shield and my strength, but I am forced to simply hold fast to the Lord as He forces me to stop the wrestling. I’ve always heard the saying “let go and let God” but for me today and for the rest of this trip it will be altered. It will be “let go, but do not let go of God.”
I may wrestle but I will not let go.
“I will not let go unless you bless me…” Genesis 32:26
Your prayers are so needed. Pray that me and this team can simply cling to God and allow Him to usher us into His presence as He performs miracles before us in China. I am blessed to be on this journey.
Note from Dan today: I wrote this post back on the 6th of July while in China and it was the last time I had the opportunity to write for the rest of the trip's 21 days. This will forever be a special writing for me, it's timing and it's topic a gift from God for a soul in need. I pray today that as you wrestle with God that you will simply fall prone to His strength yet cling desperately to His power. Praise God for His unending love to us sinners.
God's rich and abundant blessings to you all.
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